The Obituary Of Dolores Aguilar
Thu, Aug 28, 2008
When most people know their lives are about to end I would imagine they hope that they have left their mark and will be remembered.
Dolore Aguilar certainly made an impression on her family, judging by her obituary -
Dolores Aguilar
1929 - Aug. 7, 2008Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on August 7, 2008. She will be met in the afterlife by her husband, Raymond, her son, Paul Jr., and daughter, Ruby.
She is survived by her daughters Marietta, Mitzi, Stella, Beatrice, Virginia and Ramona, and son Billy; grandchildren, Donnelle, Joe, Mitzie, Maria, Mario, Marty, Tynette, Tania, Leta, Alexandria, Tommy, Billy, Mathew, Raymond, Kenny, Javier, Lisa, Ashlie and Michael; great-grandchildren, Brendan, Joseph, Karissa, Jacob, Delaney, Shawn, Cienna, Bailey, Christian, Andre Jr., Andrea, Keith, Saeed, Nujaymah, Salma, Merissa, Emily, Jayci, Isabella, Samantha and Emily. I apologize if I missed anyone.
Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and there will be no lamenting over her passing.
Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember her in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of those times too. But I truly believe at the end of the day ALL of us will really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for the rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing and learning to be a family again.
There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she spent a lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see to it that her grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes. So I say here for all of us, GOOD BYE, MOM.
Originally, Dolores Aguilar’s obituary which appeared in the Vallejo Times-Herald was believed to be a hoax.
It turns out, however, that the obi was very real.
You’ll not be able to find it in the online version of the paper though - it was swiftly pulled as commentators became progressively nasty in their responses.
What so you make of such an obituary?
Is it completely tasteless to talk ill of the dead, or do the deceased’s relatives have every right to vent their true feelings?
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wow
That comment is about as inspiring as saying “nice post”
I guess it left me speechless.
Well, in that case, I guess I’ll let you off for making such a lame comment.. this time
I think the fact that she admits they “may have some fond memories” should be reason enough to have a memorial. It might have even helped therapeutically to remember something good instead of dwelling on all the bad. This obit is more vengeful than anything else. Vengeance is unhealthy.
As I said elsewhere, perhaps it was driven by grief? Loss of a loved one can make people do some strange things.
She must have been really horrible or the person who wrote it was extremely bitter. I don’t think an obit is the appropriate place to vent. It would have been better to just not have one.
Do you not respect someone for remaining honest (if that is true of this obit), or is it better to bottle your feelings in such circumstances?
I respect honesty but that is just mean. I don’t think she should bottle her feelings but she should express them to a therapist rather than in an obit.
Maybe the obit was uncharacteristic, a grief-related incident. Do you think that is possible?
I did not consider that possibility - that she was so grief-stricken that she did not know what she was doing. Somehow I doubt it.
Me too, but people have been known to do strange things when people close to them have died, through a combination of grief and shock.
Hmm…usually in cases like these I would expect them to grieve more than expected out of a sort of guilt for resenting the person while they were alive. I still think bashing someone in an obituary is rather cold-hearted.
I certainly wouldn’t disagree with that.
Looks like the daughter wanted others to know the real Delores, ‘ya think? Makes me wonder about this daughter’s judgement, and who named her spokesperson anyway. One thing is certain, the obit created controvery to the point of having to pull it. That must have been quite a Guest Book for all to read. I agree with Kim, wrong place to vent. More chaos as a result. Guess the healing process will be a little more extensive now.
I’d be interested in knowing whether those sentiments were shared by eveyone named in the obit?
If not, one can only wonder how those other family members would have reacted to reading it.
The daughter engineered the obit and proclaimed she was speaking for the family. I too have to wonder if the family’s feelings were one in the same. I suppose I am suspicious of the daughter’s real agenda. She was quick to note that there would be no tears and no closure (none??). What got to me was this.. “So I say here for all of us, GOOD BYE, MOM.” Note the ALL CAPS. There’s an affirmative statement.
I don’t know if I’m right but I got the impression that it was one person’s view which they had then just applied to the whole family.
I wonder if they even knew about this obit?
Say a pray for this person, she will need it.
The family’s genuine outlook and position is a mystery. As is the daughter’s assumed or nominated position where the family is concerned. I still feel this daughter had a clear agenda whether it was of her own accord or backed by the family. The comments were certainly cold, weren’t they?!! I better live my own dash in such a way as to ensure what’s said about me. Good Golly Miss Molly, I can’t imagine anything so unkind being said about myself or anybody!
I’d certainly have had to have been hurt extremely badly to talk ill of any of my relatives when they die. I can’t believe that someone could feel that way!
While reading this, I thought about Delores’ dash as it was being presented by this daughter. Which reminded me about an entry I posted earlier this year. That dash can say alot!
http://pinkbiz.wordpress.com/2008/02/16/living-the-dash/
I believe saying good things and holding on to pleasant memories will help the soul pass on and it helps everyone else to appreciate small niceties in everyone but this sort of propaganda is going to help no one.
I make you right there Aruna. If someone I knew died I would either say something nice or keep my mouth shut.
I think there are some people who were so horrible in life that they deserve no less in death.
Do you have personal experience of that Arabella?
I have a good friend who’s father molested her and her sisters for years, beat her brothers and mother every day until they left home or got to big. When he died of alcoholism no one gathered or prayed for him. No one cried out of sorrow. No one even stepped forward to bury him. He deserved no more than that.
When you have a good life sometimes it is hard to image how horrible some people can make other’s lives.
Ew. Wow. Yea, I could see that. How terrible.
That’s a very sad situation Arabella - I can see why no-one would grieve under such circumstances
I feel very sorry for the family. They must have had a horrible life with this lady. Sometimes people are so horrible in life that when they die it is actually a relief to those they left behind. I hope they all have a wonderful and happy life now that this is behind them